How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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