its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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