I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
