last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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