So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
