he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
