I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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