You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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