Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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