i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
