I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
