I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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