New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
