I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
