I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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