You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
