sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
