Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
