what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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