Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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