I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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