My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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