I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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