seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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