I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
