Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
