not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
