Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
