Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
