Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.