had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.