I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️