Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual