If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Welp...herpes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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