I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
