I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
