i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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