I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
