Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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