Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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