I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
