Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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