Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
