My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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