You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
