When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
