i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
