I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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