I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
