i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize