youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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