he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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