okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
