Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
