i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
