dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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