perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
