cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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