Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
