I am spending my child support on dildos
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
