she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
