I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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