I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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