how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We have so much sex to catch up on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
