it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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