put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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