Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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