so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
