You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
