Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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