Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
