I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
