So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
