she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
