nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
