I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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