I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
