So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
