dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
