ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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