apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
