No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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