You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found the puke drawer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
