look no pants
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
